You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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