the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
