your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
