Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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