you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
