i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize