i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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