Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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