Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
