it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize