This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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