"it" just moved
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
