I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
