someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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