hotel room ftw
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
