those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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