Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
