Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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