Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize