I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
