This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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