he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
