she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
