apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
ttyl tear gas
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
