turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
