She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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