i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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