Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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