This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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