why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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