he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
