I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
