your thong is hanging out like whoa
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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