oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
PANTIES FOUND
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