I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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