i'm signing you up for texting rehab
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I forgot how hot balto sounded
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Houston, we have a blender
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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