her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
