We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
