hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
