A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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