Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Send help, water and tortillas.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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