so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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