Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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