The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
