if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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