You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
