I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
