Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
