Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
