I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
