I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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