So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
