All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
