and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
