we're blogging at a bar
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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