I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
