He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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