Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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