Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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