What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
