Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
