I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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