So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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