We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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