Soap is not a condiment
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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