There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
