Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
