my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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