Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
