I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
