i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize