The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
