So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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