at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
