My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
