Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
