sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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