I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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