took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
