And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
