I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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