Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
