oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
