she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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