You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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