There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
