so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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