proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
