Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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