kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
