we have pet lesbian snakes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
