Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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