Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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