you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
