I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
