Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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