I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
