HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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