I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
