No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
