what day is it and did you see me today?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
