I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
