Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
