Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
