Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
