He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
