Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
