still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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